Burglar Whapping

Last night at about 3:00 or so I came wide awake after a door downstairs closed loudly. I listened, heart pounding, and could hear the stairs creaking slightly; I then woke Phil up and whispered that we might have a problem. Got out of bed, found my wooden dowel that I keep under my side of the bed, and tiptoed out. I had to cross the hall before I could turn on the light, which was quite scary. It struck me that a piece of wood a couple of feet long probably wasn’t the most impressive weapon against a thug…a good, American baseball bat would have been much more confidence-inspiring.

No one in the hall. We separated, and started looking in different rooms. Going into a dark room to turn on the light and see what might be waiting was quite scary. I found myself wanting to do that cop-show thing where they always kind of whip around corners with their backs to the wall, then sweep the room. lol… “Cover me – I’m going in!” So silly.

In the end, we of course found nothing, and so went back to bed. Phil keeps the bedroom window open because of his asthma, and there must have been enough suction down the stairs to pull the door shut.

I decided that I needed a bigger burglar whapper than my silly bit of wood. Cricket bat? Hey, that could probably whap the hell of of a burglar. :)



5 thoughts on “Burglar Whapping”

  • Or maybe just a leather bull whip?? ;)

    All you need is a pump action shotgun.. you never even have to buy ammo.. just cock it once and anyone in the house not supposed to be there should immediately leave..

    Barring that I could always send you a nice aluminum or traditional louisvilele slugger..

  • A rennie in Dallas, Texas, had purchased a mace at a faire, and had placed it on her nightstand next to her bed. Someone broke into her bedroom window, and she liberally applied her mace to the back of his skull in self defense.

    She then called 911 and told them that she had felled the would be assailant/burglar with a mace, and that he was lying unconscious, perhaps dead, on her bedroom floor. The 911 operator told her that spraying someone with mace is not fatal, so not to worry, he would eventually be fine.

    She had to explain to them in great detail that she did not *spray* him with mace, she hit him in the back of the head with *a mace.* When the police examined him, they said his neck was broken, dead before he ever hit the floor.

    “We are amused.”

  • lol…that’s quite funny, actually. I like that. My father was a cop, and as he used to say “if you have to shoot someone in self-defense, just make sure you drag them ALL the way into the house before calling 911.”

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