Things I’ve Lost

I’ve lost a lot of things over the years. I’ve moved and left boxes in the care of friends and never gotten them back. Once or twice I’ve left clandestinely, taking with me only what I could carry in a duffle bag. Some things have just disappeared over the years, and I’ve no idea where they went. Some of the things that I’ve lost are much missed, and I still think about them now and then.

My yearbooks, for example. Those were left with an ex-boyfriend when I moved back to California from New York. Pro tip: never leave anything with someone whom you are breaking up with. They were filled with signatures and letters and high school souvenirs. My senior yearbook especially is missed – what I wouldn’t give to have that back! Especially since so much time has passed, and I don’t remember most of the people I went to school with. I never went back for high school reunions, and our actual school years seem so long ago. Hell, they were so long ago, ages past – and I’ve forgotten so much. So, yeah, I still get pissed off when I think about my yearbooks.

I really miss my high metabolism. I was always thin, and still retain the horrid eating habits developed when I was trying to put on weight and gain some real curves. Even when I had my daughter, I was back at normal weight within two weeks. And now? /cry

My jade bracelet. I still have a picture where I’m wearing it, a heavy, almost barbaric solid ring of jade banded with heavy silver. I have no idea where that went…but I miss it a lot.

My eye colour. I still have eyes, of course, and they’re still coloured, but they’ve faded. I used to have a thin ring of orange around the pupil, followed by light blue/green. The orange has faded to a kind of rusty yellow which doesn’t stand out the way that the original colour did. Do people’s eyes normally fade or change colour? I miss the way that they used to look.

I also miss bravery, my ability to just pick up and leave, trusting that I could land on my feet. I once left Los Angeles with $20 in my pocket, arrived in San Francisco, spent $18 on a room at the Y, and then found a job the next day in a residential hotel for old people. We had to work a half day serving in the dining room and running errands, and in return we got room and board and freedom. Perfect setup. My luck used to always be like that…but I would not trust it now.

Strange the things we lose over the years…



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