Things You May Not Know About Me
1. I’ve always wanted to own a monkey, even though my aunt owned one and it was horrible. It would throw monkeycrap at you, jump out from hiding and bite or pinch you, and eventually it ran away and froze to death in the top of a pine tree. I still want a monkey.
2. I am afraid of the dark. Not sensible fear, like being afraid to walk down dark alleys in New York. I’m talking childish fear, as in being afraid to walk through a dark house if no one else is awake.
3. I would kill for some barbequed ribs right now. Or really good Southwestern food (pollo adovada with homemade tortillas).
4. When I was a child, I had an imaginary friend. I don’t remember his name, but he was a large, talking bird. No one else could see him, but I have very clear memories of seeing him standing in the center of the kitchen, making smartass comments.
5. A bat got into our house once when we were kids. We ducked and screamed and ran outside, then watched my father through the windows as he tried to swat it with a broom. I think it finally flew back outside on its own power; I think it’s radar had been confused by the ultrasonic quality of our screams.
6. I still feel guilty about the time that my sister Andrea and I were playing on top of a huge stack of haybales, and encountered a wasps’ nest. We flew off of the stack of hay and ran away, leaving our baby sister Jessica there (who was allergic to bees). Her face and neck swelled up amazingly and she had to be rushed to the hospital.
7. When I was – oh, I don’t know – twelve or fourteen, I was totally in love with Spock. How geeky is that? I’m talking really embarrassing, really involved kid fantasies where we met somehow, and he happened to be in one of those once-in-a-lifetime Vulcan mating periods, and …well, perhaps I should stop there. I’ve embarrassed myself enough.
8. I knew where my father hid all of his Playboys (on the floor of his bedroom closet, in the back, should you ever want to go and look for yourself).
9. I could still go for Spock. How geeky is that?
10. Ferris wheels scare me.
11. I have a thing about pirates, and I am really looking forward to seeing Pirates of the Carribbean. I have a script that I’ve been working on for years, about Anne Bonney (famous female pirate). I’ll finish it someday.
12. I’m bored enough at work to sit here and write lists. Oh, wait…I guess you knew that.