We did it…we’re married. I’m sure it feels just as unreal to Phil as it does to me. I haven’t been able to post because the DSL has already been turned off, so I’m posting on my lunch from work. A quick recap:
May 17th: The Stag Night
We went to Scandals with Eric and Janice, Shane and Karyn, and Shameron, and we had a blast. Eric and Shane arranged for Phil and I to be brought up onstage, sat back to back and handcuffed together, and then the girls were all over us. The pictures are priceless. I was wearing a black stretch velvet corset, and I remember thinking “If you girls take anything out while you’re doing that, you had BETTER put it back before I have to stand up in front of all these people!” They put about half a bucket of ice down Phil’s pants (literally his pants, in the English sense – they use pants to mean underwear!). It was all in good fun, and wasn’t too embarrassing.
May 19th: The Wedding Day
The wedding was wonderful, largely due to the efforts of my family. I have the best family in the world. :) The gazebo in the park was decorated, as were the tables (white cloths, purple streamers and bunches of lilacs, glass heart-shaped bowls with floating candles, silver candelabra). There was a gorgeous bouquet for me, and roses for the cake. Phil had stayed up late the night before making the cake, as we required an egg-free wedding cake, and was up the next morning at six a.m. to put it together and do the frosting. (The recipe is here, by the way.) I was more than a bit cold, as the weather was very windy and grey, and I was wearing a satin brocade corset, skirt from an antique wedding dress…and ruby slippers. :) Anyway, we made it through the ceremony fairly painlessly, although I flubbed my lines a bit, and then we were married. Steve and Ellie sang a beautiful version of Down on My Knees, and my father made a wonderful toast.
I’ll add to this later…I know it seems disjointed, but there is no time for anything.
Last day at work before the wedding, and there is SO much to do. Tomorrow we’ll be baking cake layers, ready to be put together on Sunday morning. Phil’s mom sent us an e-card, since the phone has been turned off and she won’t be able to call. Tonight we’re having a joint stag party at Scandals, a local tittie bar, um, exotic dance club. ;) A lot of people from work will be going, and it should be a lot of fun. I don’t know what these places are like in England, but the clientel here tends to be at least half couples. I thought about doing something fun/embarrassing for Phil, like having him taken up onstage by the girls, but they charge an awful lot of money for that, and you can’t take pictures, so I probably won’t. We’ll have fun, though. I’ll post again on Tuesday, as I won’t be online until then.
I’m so upset today. We’re not having a formal wedding with groomsmen and bridesmaids, but I had asked Shaun to carry the rings for us. Shaun and I are very similar in personality and outlook, we’ve worked together for ages and been roommates; I really wanted him there. Yesterday he found out that they are sending him to Salt Lake City to train TSRs on a new program that he hasn’t even seen yet, and he has to leave this Friday, missing the wedding entirely. I know that I’m under a lot of stress right now, but I can’t help feeling that it is a sign of things starting to go wrong.
The disarray in the house is telling on both of us. We have piles of things everywhere: stuff to be shipped to England, things to be given to various people, the Goodwill pile that will be the last to go. I will miss my books so much. I divided them up yesterday; the ones that I just couldn’t bear to part with I packed in boxes that my parents can send as I can afford it, and the bulk of the rest will go to my sister. I need to take the boards, cards and hard drives out of my computer so that I can re-build a system after I get there. There are boxes of wedding decorations and cake stuff. We still haven’t found a home for the rats, and we both worry that they either won’t find a home, or will go to someone who will use them as snake food.
I know that weddings are stressful, and an overseas move would be traumatic for anyone. I am trying to keep a calm frame of mind, but it’s getting more and more difficult.
VERY frustrating day today. Most of the main pages on the site change on Monday, along with banners in several different areas, the homepage, etc. The site has been up and down, and no one knows why, or how to fix it. The content handler/Admin GUI that we use to work on pages in the database is toast. I’ve been surfing and stressing, stressing and surfing. I’ve eaten a bag of dill potato chips and two big lemon cheesecake cookies, and now I also feel bloated and guilty.
Only two weeks to go…
Phil and I have been arguing. Naturally enough, I suppose, given the circumstances; a wedding would be stress enough for most people, but add a move to another country and you have *major* stress levels. One of the main problems, I suppose, is that I am having a difficult time trusting him.
Last fall, when we’d broken up for a few months, he dated a lot of women…not just a lot of women, but several co-workers that he’d told me he had absolutely no interest in. I have a hard time reconciling that now…was he after them while we were together, flirtations at the water cooler and over lunch? Possibly. Probably. Will we run into the same situation again? Possibly. If I said probably, I couldn’t go on with this. And so I panic and stress, and we are both miserable during those times.
I don’t know what to do. I’d like to forget it, but doubt remains. If it doesn’t work between us, I will have little to come back to. My (new) car is being turned back to the loan company. I’ve cashed out my 401k to finance this. Everything has been dispersed: shipped, sold, given away.
What should I do?
There is a cool property for rent, affordable, but unfortunately NOT in a town anywhere close to someplace that I could find work. It’s a converted chapel, with gorgeous arched windows and hardwood floors.
From the estate agent’s site:
Communal entrance hallway, staircase leading to door to entrance lobby, with staircase to galleried landing with arch window, 14′ lounge, superbly fitted kitchen/breakfast room with gas fired boiler, two good sized bedrooms, bathroom with white suite. Outside, allocated car parking space, LPG bottle store.
How cool would that be? Living in a deconsecrated church? Maybe I could work from home, find enough freelance work to support us. Maybe Phil could find a job in that town, doing…something. Ok, so it’s not likely to happen. That doesn’t stop me from dreaming, though. ;)
*yawn* I’m just trying to make it through the week. A lot of the work that I do here is content-related rather than design-related, and very boring. When it comes to doing web landing pages every week, cutting and pasting text, product links, etc…well, to be honest, a monkey could do my job at times. And these times make up the bulk of what I do. Granted, I work with some very good friends, and I have whatever free time I need after the content updates, but still…sometimes it is very difficult to stay at my desk for eight hours.
This brings me to a pet peeve…belching and other less-mentionable habits in the workplace. Granted, programmers aren’t the most socially accomplished group, on the whole, but really – !!! One guy in particular is horrendous to work with. Loud belches, rude smells, an overturned pile of chili-cheese dip that he has been baking under his desk lamp since last November, the shuffling noise that his Birkenstocks make as he walks… he seems rather proud of his social retardation.
It makes me tense. I had to vent. ;)
We played paintball this weekend. I’ve found that I really enjoy it – somewhat surprising, considering that I spend most of my time at the computer or reading. I miss fencing a great deal, though, and perhaps this fills the need for sheer animal physicality and a release of aggression.
Phil set up a paintball page here. We’d taken pictures of everyone pretending to be in combat, which was slightly dorky and a lot of fun. I got to pose for some (less buff, less busty, of course) Lara Croft ones. It was a good day.
Today, however, has been a BASTARD of a Monday. :(
We are getting ready for the wedding, and the move. The apartment is in chaos, with boxes everywhere and piled boxes and bags of things to be given away, sold, shipped. There is so little that we can take with us: clothing, personal items, a few books, family photographs. There are decisions to be made about things that we love: my funky old cherub’s head that has hung on my wall for twenty years. Phil’s swords and golf clubs. I’ve packed the dog’s skull that sits on my desk, my daggers and my Where the Wild Things Are figures. Do I take the painted chest? Probably not. All of my books are packed into smallish boxes that I will have shipped eventually. I’ve never lived without my books; when I move, they are unpacked first. I alternate between panic and excitement.