Miscellaneous thoughts on a cold, windy Saturday afternoon:
This is exactly it:
“The difference between wishing you were dead and wanting to commit suicide was that wanting to commit suicide was a kind of sad-sack impulse characteristic of losers, and wishing you were dead was just a choice, like oatmeal for breakfast instead of a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Especially now that Buddy knew that his eternal reward was waiting for him, wishing he were dead seemed more like, say, wishing to move to Hawaii or something.”
Horse Heaven, by Jane Smiley
Alernate Reality in the Marketplace:
Today we walked through the marketplace (for everyone back home, the marketplace is a large cobbled area in the centre of town, where on Wednesdays and Saturdays people set up booths and sell things. On Saturdays it’s mainly antiques. Leek has been a market town since 1270 or something.) to look for Christmas presents for my parents. I’d thought of finding a nice watercolour of the village that we live in, as that would be light to ship and very English-y.
There were two Santas collecting for charity on the edges of the market square, and also a large rabbit. I can only assume that this was an “unofficial” collector for charity, as the rabbit suit was filthy and stained, and the bottom of the legs were hanging in tatters, showing his taped-together trainers. He didn’t say anything, just held his cup out to passers-by, one broken rabbit ear hanging over the face of the suit. The whole effect was rather scary and almost threatening, like the rabbit in Donnie Darko. Very creepy and surreal.
Work, work, work:
I need to be disciplined and do some work this weekend. I have one additional image to do for the print ad series, I need to set up the ASP form and database on the radio site so the information that they collect will go directly into the database rather than being mailed, as present, and I wanted to do some work on SpiralDance. I’m starting to learn PHP, and I want to write a content management system for it so that assorted people can act as editors on the site without having full access.
But I am melancholy and tired today, and all I feel like doing is curling up with a book. I’ve made a lot of changes to my life recently, but I still feel as though I’m looking for something more. But where to find the room for it? I’ve started fencing again, I bought another horse, I’m changing jobs, I’m thinking about moving, but there’s still something that I want. I can feel new passions beckoning. Shall I take up surfing? Shall I turn to religion? Shall I turn my back on computers and tech, and become a lad in a racing stable or a groom in a dressage stable in Portugal? Probably not…but you never know. :)